Question 1

How do I bring my child closer to grandparents who live far away?

Accepted Answer

By telling them who those people are and what they mean to you, even if they're no longer with us, not just showing them their faces. Studies show that when an adult remembers together with a child, with open questions and details, the child holds on to more of their own life and gets a clearer sense of who they are. I bring that to my family far away: their stories, what they love, how much they matter to me. And when you can, make video calls a two-way conversation. What it doesn't say: The studies were done with moms who live with their children. That it works the same with family far away is what we believe and live, not something that has been measured.

Question 2

My child sees their grandparents on video calls, but I can't get them to connect. Why? Is it normal?

Accepted Answer

It's very normal. Seeing a face isn't the same as feeling close to someone. What has helped me most is the other side responding to what my daughter is doing in that moment, and her knowing who that person is between calls: their stories, what they love, what they mean to me. A call brings them closer when there's already something connecting them.

Question 3

How do I talk to my child about a family member who is no longer here?

Accepted Answer

Naturally, and with the concrete things: how they laughed, what they cooked, a phrase they always said. Being able to say "my grandma used to…" or "my uncle always said…" gives that person a place in your child's story. It's the same for grandparents, aunts and uncles, or anyone in the family. You don't need to wait for them to ask: you can start when they're very little, just as with family far away.

Question 4

Do video calls help build a bond with grandparents?

Accepted Answer

Yes, they help, especially when they're a two-way conversation. In one study, children aged 12 to 25 months who talked with a person over a live video call preferred and recognized that person a week later; with a pre-recorded video, they didn't. Another study found that 2-year-olds learned new words over a live video call, but not from a recorded video. What matters is that someone on the other side responds. What it doesn't say: They measured learning and preference over a few weeks, not the long-term bond with family. Video calls help, but they can't hold everything up on their own.

Question 5

What do I do if my child doesn't want to talk on the video call?

Accepted Answer

It happens to us a lot. A call depends on the time of day, their mood and how tired they are, and so many of those things aren't up to us. What works for me is short calls, at a good moment, and letting my daughter show whatever she wants: a drawing, a toy, her food. If one day she doesn't want to talk, that's okay: tomorrow there's another call.

Question 6

At what age can I start telling my child about their family?

Accepted Answer

From very early on. The brain forms the most connections in the first years of life. And in one study, when moms of 18-month-olds were taught to talk through memories in more detail, their children shared richer memories at three and a half. For me, what makes the difference is how and how much you tell them: at each stage our children can understand different things, and it's up to us to tell them in a way they can take in. What it doesn't say: It doesn't say it's ever too late: the brain keeps learning all life long. It says these years are a good time to start.

Question 7

Why does knowing their family's story help my child?

Accepted Answer

In a study with children and teenagers, those who knew more about their family's history (where their grandparents grew up, how their parents met) showed higher self-esteem, less anxiety and a stronger sense of control over their lives. I believe it's because they know where they come from and where we came from, and how those people are part of us, and so part of them too. It gives them a sense of belonging and identity. What it doesn't say: It's a correlation, not a cause: it doesn't prove that telling stories produces these results. Families that tell more stories may also differ in other ways.

Question 8

How do I tell a story so it stays with them?

Accepted Answer

Rather than repeating it, we talk it through. Bringing a memory to mind anchors it more than hearing it again, and children remember more when the adult asks open questions and adds details. At home I ask my daughter "do you remember what grandma likes?", and I let her tell it back to me. What it doesn't say: The study on remembering was done with students and texts, not with children. We use it as a principle of how memory works.

Question 9

What is "the love we inherit"?

Accepted Answer

It's the idea at the heart of Another Mom. For me, inheriting isn't receiving something and putting it away: it's telling, naming, passing on. It's watering. The love we inherit is the love that's watered in time and keeps growing in those who come after us, even when family lives far away, or even if they're no longer with us.

Question 10

My child recognizes their grandparents on video calls but doesn't really know them. Why?

Accepted Answer

Recognizing is knowing a face exists. Knowing someone is knowing who that person is: what they love, what they taught you, why they matter. My daughter gets the face from a video call or a photo; the rest we build with stories I tell her again and that we remember together.